Shatter Me
by Ist Es Immer
Summary: Modern AU. Levi was taken in by his uncle after his mother died. Years later, he gets a call that Mikasa is his next of kin and needs a home. Against his own judgment he agrees to take her in, knowing the struggles of being a young parent going to college and work part time. Levi enlists the help of Erwin and Hange.
1. Family Ties

Immer: This idea was literally a slap to my face. I was writing up another chapter of one of my other works when this hit me. All because of an image I had seen earlier about Levi in a store with chibi Mikasa in a little kid's push cart thing.

I have no idea who to pair Levi with. Or if he should be paired with anyone. I have like two ideas but one I'm feeling eh with and the other is controversial.

Warning: This story will have major feels. There will be lighthearted moments, sweet and bittersweet, and then some really dark and depressing themes. So if you're okay dealing with the deep parts every now and again, be my guest. Also, this is my first attempt at first person point of view.

Story title previously known as Sacrifice by tatu changed to Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling because it was more fitting.

Chapter One Family Ties

SHINZOUwoSASEGEYO

I was a prodigy, I suppose you could say. At a young age, around eight I believe, I picked up an old violin. My uncle heard me play, and even though I probably made it sound horribe, he saw the potential. He told me that if I poured my heart into this, then he would see about paying for my lessons.

It was the first time he ever did something like that for me.

Before then, he would be hurtful. Not physically, but emotionally and sometimes mentally. Thinking back on it, I realize he didn't know what he was doing when he took me in. I'm not defending his actions or anything, only reflecting why our first few years together were hard on us. He was learning how to parent as he went, and he taught me things normal parents wouldn't dream of doing.

Like fighting. He taught me how to use my size to my advantage. He taught me how to use a knife. A real knife, not a flimsy butterknife. These things come to me as second nature now, all thanks to him.

When I started school no one wanted to be my friend. A group of boys picked on me, since I was so small. Remembering what my uncle told me about not letting anyone shove me around, I instigated a fight with them. This somehow turned the leader as my longtime rival, and his friends were scared of me from then on.

But my uncle was proud. And yet even then he didn't show me any support into what I found interest in. That all changed when I found the violin and played out of simple curiosity.

We were going through old stuff of the house he inherited from his grandfather. The old man heard my uncle was taking care of me, so he left us the house in his will. It was a big house, so much bigger than the tiny and cramped cheap apartment we had lived in. And so we started cleaning it up and patching.

That was when I found the violin. It was in a box shoved to the corner of a closet. I pulled it out and on top of random junk there was a case. I opened it out of curiosity of the shape of it and it was an old fully intact violin. To this day I don't understand what possessed me to pick it up and play, but it was so strong that I had to.

So I started playing.

Even though it hadn't been polished, and had a bit of dust on it, it still made beautiful notes. I started fiddling with it, experimenting how to make different notes. When I felt I got the gist of it down I started putting them together into a random song.

I was so lost in my own world I hadn't realized Kenny had walked in and stopped. I don't know how long he stood there, listening, but when I was done he cleared his throat. I whirled around out of fear, afraid I had touched something I shouldn't have and dropped the violin. I closed my eyes to brace myself for the yelling.

It never came.

I peeked and stared as Kenny knelt down in front of me. He had the violin in his hands, staring at it. Never in my life have I seen him be so gentle with anything, even years after this day. Then he looked up to me, and I stared in shock.

"Look, kid. If you wanna pursue this, you gotta promise me you'll pour your heart into it. Don't give up on it. If you really want to play, then I'll see what I can do about payin' for your classes."

Too shocked to find my voice, I nodded vigorously.

From then on life was easier. I don't know if it was the house, or my interest with the violin, that had us bonded like parent and child should be like, but I like to think it was all of the above. Alarmingly enough I started looking up to him. I was no longer scared of him.

I don't know if I was ever a son in his eyes, but he trusted me well enough to help hide bodies when I was twelve. I never asked questions. I figured it was better I didn't know, anyway. One could say I looked up to him enough that it clouded my judgment about his random killing sprees. Or say that he was my only family I had left, and I wasn't going to lose him.

Honestly, I wouldn't know. At the time playing the violin and learning the piano was all that had my attention. Helping him was just a means to ensure our lives wouldn't have to be more complicated. I rather liked how it was. Though that was also probably because whenever he needed help, the bodies were already wrapped and ready to be disposed of. It gave me the illusion that this was okay.

I lost count how many he killed.

By the time high school rolled around, I finally made two friends. One of them, ironically, was my long time rival, Farlan. Then Isabel barged into our somewhat stable friendship and stayed there. By graduation we were the unstopable trio. We were so inseperable that when a war started and I was enlisted before them at eighteen, they volunteered so we would be in the same training.

I wish they hadn't.

A few years passed in a flash. I was promoted to captain, youngest in a long while to achieve the title, and had my own underlings. But even then, nothing prepared me for the tragedy, even after watching so many of my men die. When we were sent into front lines everything went wrong. There were pressure sensative bombs underneath our feet. They both pushed me back when a few went off, but that didn't save my left leg from the knee down. But a leg was nothing compared to the loss of them.

In the hospital, I made another friend. We enjoyed each other's company. He had lost an arm, while I missed a leg. And so we recovered together, leaning on each other, having lost comrades and limbs at the same time. When we were cleared to go home, I had a prosthetic limb, but he refused the offer for his arm.

Somehow we lived in the same little town steadily growing into a city. He was older than me by a decade, and he lived on the opposite side of town and went to different schools. So the chances of us bumping into each other were low.

At this time I wondered why I haven't heard from Kenny. Or why the house seemed almost abandoned when I came home. This should have raised alarm bells in my head, but I had somewhere to go with Erwin later that night. So I cleaned what I could, left, and picked up Erwin from his place.

He lived in a nicer neighborhood than me. Granted, back in the day my neighborhood had been considered the best for well off families. Then as Rozen expanded and modernized my neighborhood became run down and filled with crime. Hearing sirens go off at all hours of day and night was the norm.

Erwin lived in the more modern expansion neighborhoods. His father was a professor. He works at the university in the next city over. So Erwin had the graces of growing up decently. I didn't hold it against him, just surprised he would actually befriend someone from the worst area in town.

That night the townspeople of Rozen welcomed us. Some cried for the deaths of the fallen. Our class graduation held a memorial, and it turned out Farlan and Isabel weren't the only ones who were lost due to the war. Everyone had turned up, crowding and gathering the area chosen for the memorial. But there was a face missing.

"Where's Kenny?" I inquired a somewhat familiar face.

"Hm? You mean Kenny the Ripper?"

What? Are we even speaking of the same Kenny?

"Kenny Ackerman." I stated coldly.

"Wait, you don't know? No one told you when you were in service?" He, she, whatever stared at me.

Was this some kind of sick joke?

"What happened?" I snapped, glaring.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I didn't have to look up to see Erwin. I was too focused on the brunette with thick glasses. The other paled, but didn't hesitate to answer.

"He was convicted last year for killing at least twenty five known people. He's held in Sina Prison, the highest security prison in the next city over. Was he someone you knew? Because you're lucky to be standing here! What was he like?" Their fear was overtaken by a disturbing amount of curiosity.

"He was my _uncle_ , shitty Four-Eyes." I growled.

Suddenly the whole room went quiet. People stared, and I grit my teeth as whispers started. The illusion of my welcome broken, I turned and left. As I headed for the door, I overheard whispers as I passed by them.

"He's _related_ to Kenny the Ripper?"

"I remember now! Kenny raised him!"

"He was raised by a killer? Did he ever...you know..."

"No wonder he's so cold."

"Bet he helped hide the bodies."

I left the memorial service and sat in my car. I put the keys in but didn't start the engine. I was Erwin's ride. I sat there, breathing heavily, feeling the weight of everything crashing down around me. It was similar to the loss of my friends and my entire platoon.

I didn't realize I was having a meltdown, that I was crying and screaming. I didn't know the door opened, and I couldn't hear Erwin's words. Something touched me and I started thrashing, sent into a complete panic. I was pulled out of the car and held tightly into someone's lap.

"Levi, snap out of it - captain!"

Somehow that word snapped me back. I choked and released a whimper as I took in my surroundings. I was in Erwin's lap with his arm around me, and the startling realization of feeling his body against my petite frame was strange, but I found comfort in the embrace. I buried my face into his chest and continued to sob.

"Why didn't they tell me? Those filthy pigs never told me shit. I had wondered why the house was so filthy, and why he wasn't home."

He was my uncle. Sure, he wasn't the greatest man around, but still. I was more infuriated that no one told me while I was overseas. And I warned the idiot not to get caught when I was gone. Or maybe evidence was found? It was all too confusing and a real hard slap to the face.

"I don't know why they wouldn't, but I have a few friends higher up who can help. I'll call them up and ask what they know." Erwin assured, and his words calmed my fury.

Footsteps cautiously came closer.

"Hange, we're having a moment." Erwin warned.

 _Hange?_

A memory came. I remembered that face now.

"You're the nonbinary soldier. The one that doesn't care how people see you and let them decide for themselves." I recalled when they pestered everyone with personal questions. Their service had ended and went home just before I went to the front lines.

"Now you remember, captain." Hange smiled.

"Sorry. Memories a little jumbled." I suddenly felt tired.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I should really learn how to reign in my curiosity, especially if I want to be a therapist."

I yawned, my eyelids felt heavy.

"If you want, I can drive you guys home. I saw Levi driving earlier, and if Erwin can't drive I'll be glad to help. I came here by bus, Moblit took my car to work. And I have a valid license. But the only downside is I have to stay for the night. Moblit works graveyard tonight."

What's the harm then? I usually never let anyone drive my car, but I was too exhausted. And I was too comfortable being held by Erwin to let him drive. Plus Hange had valid reasons to help.

"Fine. But do you know where we're going?"

"Everyone knows the Ackerman house."

After that night Hange and Erwin became my support. Erwin was worried about me living alone, especially in a big house, so he moved in shortly after. A five bedroom, three bathrooms two story house that was basically a small mansion, was too big for one person. And since this was known where Kenny the Ripper lived, it would be pointless to sell. Not that I would sell it anyway.

Shortly after I started college. I picked up a violin again, I played the piano once more as well. It was like the rains after a long and dry drought. The relief to be able to play and let the emotions come out and set the mood was gratifying. And I hadn't lost my lessons, it was as if the few years gap hadn't happened.

But after my first semester my life was turned upside down again.

I was enjoying a celebration of finishing a semester with Erwin, Hange and Moblit. We were all drinking and having a good time. Then the phone rings. Erwin was closest and picked it up.

"Ackerman residence. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking to this fine evening?"

I snickered at his habit. He picked it up when people would prank call, or try to be a tough male of masculinaty and threaten my existence, but then lose their shit when Erwin answered with those words.

"No, but I can bring you to him." Erwin stood up and handed it to me.

"Who is this?" I grumbled, I had hoped to enjoy the evening.

 _"Hello, is this Levi Ackerman?"_

"This is he. Who are you and what do you want?"

 _"This is Ms. Petra Ral speaking from Child Protective Services._ _Sir, are you aware you have other family?"_

"Not that I know of. My uncle wasn't close to anyone else if there was." I perked up as I processed those words. What was going on?

 _"Well, he had another sister. She was married, and they had a young daughter together."_

"And this is my problem why?"

I know I shouldn't be too harsh on this woman, but I was being honest.

 _"Mr. and Mrs. Ackerman died earlier today in a murder. The child managed to escape and found help. But it was too late for her parents, but she's fine. Looking through family records, we found your name listed as her cousin."_

I sat there in a momentary shocked silence.

"...Ms. Ral, are you insinuating what I think you are?"

By now everyone was quiet. Eyes stared at me, curious about the one sided conversation. I crossed my legs and ignored them. This was too serious to have distractions.

 _"She has no other family. If you are willing to take her in, then I would like to inspect the house, know a little more about hour income and verify you're able to provide for her."_

"Can you give me a moment?"

 _"Sure thing, Mr. Ackerman."_

I placed the phone down and sighed, biting my lip. I ignored the questions, thinking long and hard. I was barely up on my own feet in life even at twenty two. My only saving grace was the house left for me and the benefits of my military services. I had just started college to pursue my dream in music. And now a kid has only me to be named next of her kin after a tragedy of losing both parents.

A part of me wanted to say no.

But then I thought of Kenny. I remembered the day he took me in. Even at the age of five I knew he didn't want to. Things were difficult between us until I was eight. From then on we understood, we clicked. But the point was even though he clearly didn't want to take me in, he did it anyway.

 _Why did he do it?_

That question always haunted me.

But my best guess was because I was family. I was the only living legacy of my mother, the sister he was closer to I'm guessing, since I never heard of another aunt. And with a heavy sigh, I picked up the phone again.

"How old is she?"

 _"She just turned five, sir."_

Same fucking age I was when Kenny took me in. A wonderful repeat of events, wasn't it? Except Kenny had been older and had a stable job. I was part time cahsier and a student. I knew that this would make everything difficult for myself, but I wasn't going to let a poor girl rot in the system all alone.

"All right. When do you want to do the inspection?"

For the next week I dragged in Hange and Moblit to help Erwin and I to work on the house. We worked hard to baby proof everything, cleaning, and readying a room for her. We didn't buy her a bed or anything else she would need for her room just yet. We repainted it to a soft purple color just in case I'm approved.

When the day came for the inspection Ms. Ral greeted with a smile.

"You look different than I thought you would be." She stated and I twitched.

At least she politely made a jab at my height, I'll give her that. I gave her the tour around the house. Overall she was glad we were taking this seriously to accomodate for the young girl. She gave me a few pointers to improve a few things, but for the most part she was pleased.

"What's her name by the way?" I forgot to ask over the phone.

"Mikasa Ackerman. She's still refusing to speak much. The poor girl is scared. She might have angry outbursts or crying - "

"I mean no offense, but I know how post traumatic stress works. I served in the military until last year." I pulled up my pant leg to show the ankle of my prosthetic.

"Oh! I hadn't realized. I'm sorry. So you were in the military, too? I was a medic nurse at one of the hospitals. Sorry again, I just recently got this job." Ms. Ral apologized, relieved she didn't have to go over something she herself probably had.

"I'm meeting more and more from the military. Small world." I commented, hoping to ease up the conversation.

"Isn't it? So um, do you live alone? This is a a big house just for yourself."

"I have a friend living here. His name is Erwin Smith. We were placed in the same room in the hospital we recovered in. He's in school right now to be a teacher." I answered.

"That's great. It's good to see soldiers helping each other out. Do you both work?"

"He works full time at the local pet store and takes online classes. I work part time at the corner store a few blocks down and go to school two days out of the week."

"So you both get income. That's good news. What are you in school for?"

I decided to answer, even though I sensed she was getting too personal. It's her job to understand where they're placing a child under someone else's care.

"I'm in for music. Haven't decided what area to go for just yet." I admitted.

"Oh, that explains the piano downstairs."

What, did she think it was decoration?

"Well, Levi, I don't see any major problems here. Do you think you'll be ready for her by friday?"

No. I'm not ready at all. And I noticed with annoyance she went with my first name instead of being professional. But I forced back the bile in my throat.

"Of course. I'll have her room ready by then."

Internally I was screaming.

"Great! I'll bring Mikasa over, let's say around two? Is that okay?"

"That's fine, Ms. Ral."

No it wasn't. I will have to call in and ask to change shifts with someone else that afternoon. But I didn't feel like changing the time, I needed her out quickly to gather myself.

"Okay, see you then." She left.

I locked the door and then pressed my back against it. I slid down to the floor, curled up like a child. I breathed in and out slowly, focusing on one thing at a time. I stayed like this for what felt like hours, when it could have been minutes. As I had calmed myself, I came to the reality that this was actually happening.

What did I get myself into?

In that moment I suddenly felt a lot more respect for Kenny. He had probably felt the same I was, right now. And while he was fit to be a parent was questionable, he did it anyway. For the most part I turned out all right. Mostly. Okay, that too was questionable, but I'm trying. And now I find myself in the same boat as my uncle, some odd years later.

For Mikasa, I hoped I could do better than Kenny did with me.

My watch beeped, letting me know it was almost time for class. I stood up and gathered my keys. I wanted to save the money on gas but I was to pick Erwin up after my class was done. His shift usually ended by the time I got there. And so I locked the house and got in my car and headed towards campus after a once over I brought my violin.

And with the anxiety rising about taking in a kid, something else came forth. It was something random and unexpected that filled me with hope.

 _I hope she likes music._


	2. All In Due Time

Immer: This is taking over my brain right now.

Chapter Two All In Due Time

SHINZOUwoSASEGEYO

I'm not ready to be a parent. I don't believe I am fit to be a parent. What am I doing? Why am I doing this?

But as I look down at her, I can't help but see myself in her place so many years prior. Despite our differences, I recognize the deep depression and loss of faith in her eyes.

I had been there once.

Questioning why life was so cruel at a young age, losing the childhood innocence of naivety of how the world worked. All I could give her was assurance she had a home and let time take its course. The wounds wouldn't ever heal, but it will get easier.

"You must be Mikasa. You can call me Levi. I just want to say welcome home. This might be our first time meeting, but you'll always have a place here." I knew she wouldn't fully believe me, but I knew how needed those words had to be heard.

I was filled with hope seeing the light in her eyes brighten up. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, after all. And as expected her eyes darkened and the brightness dimmed, back to being gloomy. Well, can't expect miracles on the first day.

But I was right to assure her she had a home here. From here time will eventually take its course. The loss wouldn't ever fully heal. The pain just becomes more bearable to carry. I let her and Ms. Ral inside. We both watch her as she takes in everything.

Judging by her stares, I am guessing she's never been inside a big house. I recall she lived up in the mountains, in a little quiet town. But like here, every town had dark secrets underneath the happy illusion they try to set up how perfect they are.

Most of the furniture were from before my time. Some had broken down over the years, and over time Kenny and I scraped up enough to buy more furniture. The living room was massive, with couches placed to form a half circle. This was where I had my celebration of finishing my first semester when I got the call.

On the outskirts of the living room and in view of the decent kitchen was the grand piano. I watched as Mikasa walked up to it in awe. I could tell she wanted to touch it, but either she was too afraid of me reprimanding her or she was being polite to touch without asking, and she only stared. If she continued to have interest in it, then I see possible lessons in the future.

"Would you like to see your room?" I inquired her gently, and she looked up at me. Her face was well guarded, but there was the faintest hint of joy in those dark eyes.

The eyes of my mother, I startingly realized.

"It's upstairs. I'll show you." I led the way, and Ms. Ral held Mikasa's small hand as they followed.

"Do you like the new house, Mikasa?"

"Mm."

Not much of a talker, was she? Something we both share. I think we would get along just fine. It was nice to have someone else around who didn't like socializing. Erwin was the perfect actor, changing his personality to best fit the situation. Hange I can only handle so much of until I want to kick her face in.

I don't care if Hange was female or not underneath clothes, but in my view Hange is a she. Erwin is the opposite, and I don't know what pronouns Moblit uses. He always seems flabbergasted with Hange's crazy ideas and near impossible theories, combined with the energy of a toddler. I wouldn't blame him.

"Your bedroom used to be my old room growing up. There's a bathroom adjoined to it, so you get a bathroom all to yourself. The closet may be a little small, but the dressers should be enough to compensate." I explained. I was making it seem boring intentionally to heighten the surprise of the transformation.

We get to the door that was painted white earlier this week. It didn't reek of fresh paint, thank goodness. I opened it wide and made room to let her go inside. Ms. Ral gasped at the transformation of the room since the last time she saw it. Mikasa stared wide eyed in awe.

About three days ago Hange and Erwin came up with ideas on how to personalize the room for Mikasa.

"How about flowers?" Hange asked out of the blue as we took a break from putting the bed together.

"Flowers?" I blanched. I have allergies. I don't know if the kid had allergies or not. It reminded me I needed to get a hold of her medical records at some point.

"I mean we paint flowers on the walls. You know, make it more welcoming? Since the walls are a light purple, then how about sunflowers? The yellow will pop just right in any lighting, and we make the color soft enough that it's easier on the eyes and give off a warm and fuzzy feeling." She was grinning ear to ear.

Overall it wasn't a bad idea. After getting the bed situated we get the paints to start. All four of us chose a wall and went to work. Each of us had a different style, and it made each wall unique. Halfway through Erwin suggested we get glow in the dark stars and a moon for the ceiling. We got go work on it after the sunflowers were done.

The look on her face was worth the effort.

The bed was in the center, the frame up against a wall. She would have the perfect view of the glow in the dark stars. The bed cover was a matching purple of the walls minus the sunflowers. The antique dresser that I used growing up stood proudly to be of in use again. Another small dresser was next to it, undernearth the window. On top of both of them were a number of stuffed animals we gathered.

We didn't know what she liked, so we got a little bit of everything while on a budget. There was a unicorn, a teddy bear with a vest and top hat, a Pokémon of some sort Hange picked, a bunny and lastly a cat with a scarf. We figured it would be a start and see what she liked best and go from there later on.

She looked at me, eyes tearing up. For a second I thought they were sad, but then she ran to me and clung onto my leg. I came to the realization she barely came above my knee. She had surpised us all by the action, and she began to cry softly. I awkwardly pat her head, and with an aching heart it was like touching my mother's hair again.

She really was family. There was no doubt about it now.

Mikasa had the same texture and softness as my mother's hair. I fondly remember being allowed to brush and braid it. I choked back my own tears, breathing in deep. It had been so long since I thought of my mother. There was a shrine of her downstairs, in view of the piano. I realized with guilt and regret I hadn't burnt incense or offered her food in so long, too caught up with everything.

It gave me an idea.

I knelt down with slight difficulty as my prosthetic protested. I ignored the discomfort and stared into her eyes at her level.

"Do you have pictures of your parents? I have a shrine downstairs of my mother. There's room for your parents, if you'd like." I watch as tears flooded down even more as she nodded.

She bent down and opened her bag. She had a photo album, and pulled out what looked like a wedding photo. Her mother was almost spinning image of my own, but her eyes weren't as dark. Her father had dirty blonde hair and soft brown eyes.

"I have a frame that should fit this. Shall we go make this an addition? I imagine my mother would love to be reunited with her sister." I felt my throat constrict at my own words.

"You...lost your mom, too?" She hiccuped.

"Yes, when I was about your age. I didn't know I had any other family until my uncle took me in. But that's ancient history. Let's frame this and place it on the shrine."

After fumbling through a box, I found a frame to hold the photogragh. I then handed it to Mikasa. They were her parents, so she should be the one to place it next to the only photograph of my mother. The shrine wasn't big or anything fancy. It was just an antique wooden shrine passed down in the family. I can only guess it was placed here same time this house became part of our family's.

My mother's photograph stood alone. Her youthful face in a permanent smile, dark grey eyes filled with mirth. Her dark hair in a braid over one shoulder. There was a fondness in her expression, a fondness towards whoever captured the moment. Seeing it now after studying Mikasa's, the similarities were definately there.

Mikasa walked up. After a moment she reached up with slight difficulty and placed the photograph next to the other one. The happy couple seemed delighted to greet my mother, who was equally as joyful of the reunion. It might be a somber reunion, but it was comforting to see them next to each other.

Since I was an adult, I pulled out a zippo and lit an incense. For a moment I stared at it, and with flooding regret that this had belonged to _Farlan_ , he had given this to me seconds before we left for the front lines as a promise to keep it safe for good luck and hand it over once we made it back.

I forced back the emotions and focused on the task.

We stared as the incense slowly burned on its holder. Everything after this point was a blur. I barely remember any conversations with Ms. Ral. The only thing that ever stood out was when she handed over the paperworks of Mikasa's medical records and family history in a yellow envelope. Soon after Ms. Ral left, leaving me alone with Mikasa.

"Did Ms. Ral explain that I have a roommate? As in someone else lives here, too?" I inquired, and Mikasa stared up with fright in her eyes.

"Relax. He's trust worthy. He works at a pet store most days. His name is Erwin." I assured, irritated at the damned social worker.

Mikasa sensed my annoyance, so I quickly changed the subject. The first that came to my mind was the grand piano. We had time, yet before Erwin arrived. He had informed me he would be taking the bus home today, so that Mikasa wouldn't have to go outside on her first day here. We had already prepared dinner, we were waiting for it to finish in the oven.

"I noticed you admiring the piano earlier. Would you like to listen and watch it in action?" My fingers itched to play an instrument, it didn't have to be my preferred one. "My specialty is the violin, but I am decent with the piano, too."

She nods, and we make our way to the old but well taken care of instrument. I check everything was in order. When it was all up to par, I placed Mikasa in the seat next to me. I took my place, breathing in. I started on warm ups as I thought of my mood. No particular song came to mind so I let my emotions flow through.

I closed my eyes as I began the real piece. I became immersed in my own world that I didn't hear the door open. In truth I did hear it, but it wasn't at the forefront of my mind at that moment. I could feel Mikasa's gaze on me, captivated.

My fingers moved on their own, setting a melodious atmosphere with a slow pace. It gave the envision of happiness, joy and warmth. The feeling of being with family. And then after a minute, I felt fury rising up, combined with hopelessness. Memories I had buried long ago resurfaced as I rewatched a man attacking my mother, shielding me from harm.

I don't remember why this man targeted my mother. All I recall was her pleas and screams as she protected me. I couldn't do anything but watch as she was stabbed over and over. The terror of the blood splatter and screams overcame me.

And then there was silence.

I then felt the fury as the man ripped her clothes and began to do sick acts with the freshly dead corpse. My body had stopped shaking then. And before I knew it I tackled the man, then used the very same knife he used to stab wherever I could. I remember driving the knife in over and over.

I don't know how long I kept this up.

I snapped out of my vengeance when arms grabbed hold of me, ripping the knife away while holding me down. I didn't know it at the time, but Kenny had decided to check up on her after years of separation. He found me stabbing a corpse, the face unrecognizable and I was covered head to toe in blood.

When everything hit me on what I had done, Kenny knocked me unconscious. I couldn't calm down, so he saw putting a fist to my head was the easiest means of ending my meltdown. Some time after several evaluations, I wasn't deemed a danger to myself or society and given the green light to move in with Kenny.

And that was when the sorrow hit me hardest. The realization I would never hear her laughter. See her smile, feel her soft hair or hear her gentle hums singing me to sleep. Never again. The loss of her put me into a long standing depression. Nothing Kenny ever did brought any stability within me. Not until I found the violin.

Playing the violin gave me hope again.

And as I thought of it, I realized with clarity my hands were giving the same feeling through the piano. The music light and soft, hint of sorrow underneath, and yet the hope was clear. While I failed at words, I conveyed the message better through the piano. The message that time will heal the burden of loss.

You just have to find something to grasp. Something to become your stability to keep going. I found mine through music. Mikasa didn't have to choose the same path, but the option was there. I would leave other doors open for her to make the choice. She was only five, the entire world was open for her.

I ended the piece there. I opened my eyes to Erwin staring from the kitchen. When did he get here? And then it hit me. I heard the door open, but didn't pay attention. He heard the whole piece. I had been so engrossed I hadn't heard the ding of the food being done, and Erwin had taken the liberty of taking the lasagna out of the oven so as not to disturb my performance.

"That was the best piece I've heard from you, yet." Erwin complimented with a smile. "It was like listening to the stages of grief in the form of music. Too bad I didn't get the chance to record it. I prepared each of us plates, though."

"Thank you for saving dinner." I was still reeling about how I hadn't heard the oven go off.

"It was no problem. That piece you performed was too perfect for it to simply stop."

I found myself blushing. Erwin was usually not this open with his compliments. He was usually more refrained, preferring to give honest opinions when no one was around. Why was he doing this?

"Mikasa, this is Erwin. Erwin, this is Mikasa." I introduced as the girl stared at him with a frown.

"Hello, Mikasa. I hope the room was to your liking? We all did everything we could to make it comfortable." Erwin beamed at her, and she shyly nodded.

"Erwin was the one who thought of placing the stars and moon above your bed." I informed as we moved closer to the kitchen. I picked up the plate with the smallest portion and handed it to Mikasa.

"I liked the stars. Reminds me of...the mountains." Mikasa admitted, and we all knew what she almost said.

"It's okay to say home. While you may no longer live there, it will forever hold a place in your heart." Erwin smiled fondly at her, and she bit her lip and nodded.

Throughout dinner Erwin provided the conversation starters. Mikasa interacted, but she hardly spoke. But by the end of dinner she seemed more at ease with Erwin than at the beginning. Once we all finished eating, the three of us pitched in to wash the dishes and load up the dishwasher.

"You don't have to help, Mikasa. It's your first night here." I told her politely, and she shook her head.

"I always helped mom loading." She was determined not to be a burden.

"It's okay. But should you feel like everything is too much, you're free to one of the couches or your room. No one will be mad if you need time alone." I assured her, and once again she shook her head.

"I'm scared of being alone." She looked down as she admitted this, and I inwardly groaned.

When it was time to tuck her in, I decided to stay awake a little longer. I had boxes to sort through and find the only picture I had of Farlan and Isabel. It was us in a group photo Kenny took of us, before sending us off to the military. Erwin watched me mindlessly, keeping his observations to himself.

I don't mind the silence. I welcome it, actually.

"So what do you think of her?" Erwin inquired out loud after several minutes of papers shuffling had filled the atmosphere.

I paused in my search and glanced up.

"I don't know, quite yet. I...find that I am seeing myself in her. We share a similar fate at that age. The only difference is I'm kinder than my uncle ever was. But I am unsure if I am the best option for her." I was honest as I spoke. "I do like her, I'm just unsure what to do in the future."

"You're on your summer break, yes? It should give you time to adjust and figure out what the future holds." Erwin had a point.

I didn't know how to respond to that. I went back to what I was doing. I happened to glance down and saw red hair, and immediately reached for the photograph. I pulled it out and felt relieved to see their faces. I stared at it, taking in their bright faces, ready to face the world.

Hard to believe it wasn't that long ago, even if it felt as if a lifetime had already passed. I continued to stare at them, allowing old memories to surface. What I missed most was Isabel's free spirit, and Farlan's quiet company. It was a contrast to when we were rivals, always loud and ready to fight. Who would have thought we enjoyed quiet company late at nights when we were older?

"Is that them?"

I was startled. When did Erwin move closer?

"...Yes." I stared at him. For a big man, he was surprisingly quiet when he moved with intent.

"Are you going to put that on the shrine?"

"Yes. It is only fitting, they were my only friends. Until you and Hange, I suppose. Should you have a loved one you wish to remember, then you can place a photograph on the shrine." I figured since he lived here, it would be best to offer.

"You consider myself part of the household to make me that offer?" Erwin was genuinely surprised.

"Of course. You have helped me during my darkest of days. There are times I still have trouble snapping out of it." And that's when he takes care of me.

That last part didn't need to be said out loud. He understood what I had meant to say. We had come to an understanding a long time ago. When things didn't need to be said, we didn't bother. We understood to read between the lines, to know what was meant to be said.

"Levi. I know this might be the worst timing, but I do have an affection towards you. I won't pressure you, but I would like to take it a step further. But only if you wish. I promise that while I await for an answer, I won't touch you inappropriately or make a pass at you. But I'll always be here to support you, whether it be as a lover or friend. Being by your side is enough."

It really was bad timing. And yet my chest felt warm at his words. Erwin was a gentleman at heart, even when it came to matters of relationships. I found myself staring, as he waited for a response of some sort.

"Always the gentleman, Erwin." I find myself chuckling. "I thank you, for being honest. And I will consider your words."

"Thank you, Levi. I hope you'll have a good night's sleep." Erwin sent a warm smile before getting up and headed to his room.

Later, as I laid in bed contemplating his words, I felt a tiny body crawl underneath the covers and snuggled up to me. I glanced down at her, and instead of reprimanding her I wrapped an arm around her small body. Mikasa breathed a sigh of relief and snuggled closer. We stayed like this until we both fell asleep.

 _Before anything else, she comes first._


	3. Fork In The Road

Immer: This is one of the first turning points of the story. Faced between two choices, one where one is needed, the other a want. I know how the creator of SnK tells a beautiful story with action and variations of loss and dealing with it, but my aim is to focus on loss and difficult life choices. I know, difficult choices were made in the manga, but I feel like the biggest impact didn't happen until the retaking of Shiganshina.

Note: I made a few changes within the first chapter and fixed a few grammar/spelling mistakes in the previous one.

Chapter Three Fork In The Road

SHINZOUwoSASAGEYO

Summer had been a blur, at least for myself. I don't know if it was fast or slow with Mikasa or Erwin, but it was fast for me. The days rolled by quickly, which was odd as we all took one day at a time adjusting. Eventually Mikasa came out of her shell, eyes brighter and more freely with her smiles. She would even laugh if it was an especially good day. Those moments I cherished the most from her.

Erwin and Hange were the biggest help with easing her nightmares. Often times Erwin filled the role of the other parent when I lacked in something, he volunteered without complaint. In fact he was more than willing than anything else. Although we have become close, closer than Farlan or Isabel ever were to me, I am still unsure about taking that big step.

I have never been in a relationship.

The idea of exposing myself, all of myself, parts of me I have buried for my own sanity, allowing someone to see those pieces of me were more than daunting. I recognize a part of me is a monster. A wolf in sheep's skin, if you will. And I have shown in instances in my past that the wolf inside of me cannot be tamed. It will bite. Friend or foe, it doesn't matter.

The thought of hurting Erwin terrified me.

So I locked my heart away. Instead I keep my sole focus on Mikasa. I can't tell if Erwin is hurt by my decision. He is too good of an actor to understand him sometimes. I would ask Hange, but she would see it as I was taking interest. And maybe a part of me was. But I'm too scared.

So, my world became only Mikasa.

She had a weak immune system, so we barely left outside the property. Not that I minded, as I was still living in a reputation of being raised by a serial killer. I didn't want to drag Mikasa through the problem. It was this point I decided going into a doctor's office was pointless. So I searched for any doctors who did home visits. And of course, Rozen doesn't have one doctor who did house calls.

With frustration I checked her records. I was surprised to find her previous doctor had gone out of his way for home visits. So one day I called him up, explained the situation, and wondered if he would continue being her doctor, despite the long distance. He seemed surprised and delighted, it turned out he had worried over her health since the incident. And he was more than willing for a long drive.

His first visit brought a sense of normalcy for her. After just one visit Mikasa seemed a bit more cheerful, seeing a face she knew and trusted. As the visits became more frequented, Dr. Yeager one day asked if he could bring his son along.

"Would it be too much trouble if I can bring my son next visit? He doesn't have any friends and he's always getting himself into trouble. With a play date, it would be easier to prepare for the drive home."

I contemplated for a moment. I wasn't that great with children, but Mikasa wasn't that great at socializing, either. I didn't see any harm for her to meet someone her age. My concern was whether or not this kid would behave when he was visiting. If he had a knack of getting into trouble, I would have to be sure either Erwin or Hange were around to keep an eye on him.

"Yeah, sure. You can bring your son over for a play date." A few weeks later I almost regretted this decision.

The brat instantly made me think of Farlan when we first met. However upon first glance at him my heart lurched in my chest. His wild eyes and free spirited personality was spinning image of Isabel. I found myself unable to tear my gaze away from him, and at some point I forced myself to leave the room. I retreated to the bathroom to recollect my thoughts.

I stared into the mirror at my own reflection. My usual stoic expression had the faintest hint of pain. It was noticeable in my eyes and slight frown. I turned on the sink and washed my face.

Someone knocked on the door, startling me.

"You okay in there?" Hange's voice was full of concern.

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute." I assured her.

"Okay, then. Remember you're the only legal guardian to Mikasa." She reminded me before her footsteps retreated from the door.

 _Yes I already know this._

I have to be present for the doctor visits. At some point I was thinking of adding either Erwin or Hange to be given permission to be there when I couldn't, but as to who to choose or how to go about that was stopping me. So for the time being I didn't mind working around Dr. Yeager's schedule, which has been more than respectful to work with my own.

I put my brave face on and stepped out. The rest of that day was a blur, but what stood out to me the most was the fact Eren, despite his big mouth, knew Mikasa was shy and not used to other children, so he eased his attitude down to better suit her needs. I had to give him credit that he brought her out of her shell by simple games like hide and seek.

"This is a big house! Wanna play hide and seek? I bet there would be so many hiding places here!" Eren grinned widely after they had snacked.

"O-okay." Mikasa nodded.

"Do you wanna count or hide first?" He was letting her choose which was more comfortable.

"Um..." She wasn't sure.

"I have an idea! How about I be the person who counts, and you two hide?" Hange offered with a huge grin, and they both nodded. "Okay, I'm gonna count to ten!"

"Eren, don't break anything." Dr. Yeager warned as the boy ran for the stairs.

"I promise I won't!" Eren yelled as he continued to run up the stairs. Mikasa followed behind him at a more cautious pace.

They played a few rounds of this. Each time Hange was always the one counting. The last round of hide and seek, Mikasa had the courage to ask if she could count instead. Hange agreed, and took her chance to take a break. This was when things went a little weird.

I was so exhausted as classes were about to start again, and I stayed up late the previous night wondering how I was supposed to schedule between work, college and taking care of Mikasa. While I did have the help of Erwin and Hange, adding college into the mix would be a huge strain on all of us. And due to her health issues I wasn't sure if she was ready for school yet.

It didn't help my scholarship required me of at least two to four classes. For my first semester I started at the minimum to establish a rhythm. Now I was more confident to go into four classes this semester, but now I wasn't so sure if I could handle two. With the stress of it all I started dozing on and off in the middle of a conversation.

"You know, since I'm off duty, you are free to take a nap. I think Hange and I have the kids covered for the time being." Dr. Yeager offered, and I was more than happy to oblige.

"Thank you. I've been having trouble debating what to do as a new semester is around the corner." I stood up with a yawn.

"Carla and I have talked, and we've been thinking of possibly moving to Rozen. It would be easier for my job and if it was a success to introduce Eren and Mikasa then it would be a good start for them. So if it's finalized with the move, you'll have our help as well."

I honestly had no idea how to respond. Growing up with Kenny, he had no one to help him out. The only help he ever received for me was inheriting this house. Everything else he had to do on his own. All the problems we encountered he took on himself.

Since I took Mikasa in, I started wondering how Kenny did this by himself. He had friends, sort of. I also briefly remembered a few lovers, the longest relationship almost became my aunt. Let's just say it was over a few weeks before the vows when on the night of her bachelorette party she got so wasted and tried to make a move on me when she showed up while Kenny was at work.

Knowing how my uncle viewed pedophiles I quickly locked her out of the house with her stuff and called the cops for disturbance of the peace and trespassing. Kenny wasn't even mad at what I did, he was more disturbed about the reason why I had to do it in the first place. But since then Kenny never really settled down with anyone.

And now I wonder how he had the strength to carry on by himself. I barely had the energy even with two sometimes three people helping. And now a whole family was going out of their way to move closer to help us.

I was grateful, but at the same time it made me feel weak. I know it was silly of me to feel this way, that I couldn't handle all of this by myself when Kenny was able to. But I also had to realize that times were different now. Costs of living were rising, and the country was on the verge of another war on the horizon doesn't help matters.

 _Accepting help isn't so bad, so long as I don't get spoiled by it._

"Thank you. I would appreciate the help. But should you ever need any help with Eren, I'll volunteer." I figured I might as well offer.

"As long as it's not too much trouble for you, but thank you. He can be quite the handful, just warning you."

"Introduce another kid into the mix and I think he'll be fine." I stated, recalling how everything was better between Farlan and I when Isabel barged into our lives.

I made my way up to my room and into bed. I didn't even bother crawling under the covers or take off my prosthetic and just promptly laid down. I was out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow. Normally, I'm a light sleeper, but in this instance I was a deep sleeper from all of the stress. Which explained my confusion when I woke up a few hours later.

I woke up to both children cuddling either side of me.

To my irritation I couldn't move when I had Eren literally glued to my arm. And Mikasa was a light sleeper, if I moved out of bed she would know and wake up. Later, I found out that in the midst of playing hide and seek Mikasa grew tired enough for a nap. Out of habit she crawled into my bed to cuddle. Eren followed after her when he peeked inside trying to find her. Since she was cuddling with me he figured it was safe for him to do the same.

 _Cheeky brat. Then again, I can't blame him._

I waited patiently until they woke up to finally get up. Somehow since then Eren was fond of me, despite how little I actually interacted with him. It pained me, seeing a ghost of someone else in this kid, and I was scared. I was scared because I wanted to protect him like how I was with Mikasa, but for a completely different reason. Hange and Erwin both saw my behavior and inquired to me on separate occasions.

The only one I answered to was Erwin.

"He reminds me of someone I used to know." I revealed one night of us staying up late going over how to fit my schedule.

I had said this in the middle of a different conversation, suddenly feeling the need to answer his question he had asked a few days prior. Even so Erwin didn't have to worry who I was speaking about. His eyes spoke of surprise that I gave him an answer at all, then there was understanding.

"I once had a customer come in one day. I swore that at first glance, it was my best friend Mike. I looked up at him and stared. I realized that it wasn't, but the feeling of recognizing someone who is dead in some random stranger is startling." Erwin admitted, and I stared at him.

"Is Mike the one in the picture you put on the shrine?" I had noticed it earlier that day, but forgot to ask.

"Yes. It took me a while going through old photos. He died protecting me from an airstrike, placing himself on top of me and took the rain of bullets."

I found this information startling. We lived in the worst area of town, where gunshots are the norm. Sometimes I would have flashbacks, but Erwin always helped me through those. Not once I had seen this man have any flashbacks. Either he was very good at hiding his PTSD, or when he did have episodes, it was never around me. Then it made me wonder why he would put up with it at all here.

"Look...if you ever feel like you're about to have an episode, don't hesitate to find me. It doesn't matter if I'm asleep or out of the house, just know I'm here." I knew this was a sensitive subject, but I hated being alone when I had an episode.

Erwin smiled fondly, eyes softening as relief flooded his features. For a moment we stared, and suddenly I was aware how awkward it was. But I couldn't find myself saying anything. At some point Erwin cleared his throat, and we continued our previous conversation.

"I think you might want to consider reducing to two classes. Just to play it safe. This way if it's too much, you're not withdrawing from four classes to focus on being a parent." He said, and I frowned.

"You mean giving up college?"

"Not forever. You could always start again once she starts school." Erwin shrugged.

"But...her health, she would need to be home schooled first." I had already calculated she would have to learn from home until her immune system could handle the school environment.

"I believe there is a program that will help her. But eventually, once her health is better, she can go to a public school. Once that happens, it might be easier for you to attend college. It's just a thought. I know you might not want to, but if she stresses too much of you being gone for so long, it might be a a better option."

Being stubborn, I signed myself up for two night classes and two online. But a part of me couldn't shake off the suggestion Erwin had. It's just, it wouldn't be fair though. I was on scholarship because I was a veteran. It would be a waste of resources. And it wasn't a for sure thing if the benefits would extend for a second application for college a few years down the road.

 _Let's give this a try, at least._

SHINZOUwoSASAGEYO

My stubborn pride got the best of me. In the end, I removed my name from the night classes. Even though I had insomnia, this was too much. But I stubbornly stuck through the online classes if only to complete them as I thought over what to do once the semester ended.

The stress of being gone a good number of hours and then homework piled up stressed Mikasa too much. She couldn't concentrate on her own schoolwork, even with Eren's help. She continued to rely upon me being around, becoming terrified something drastic would happen to me. And even when the Yeager's moved into a house a couple of streets away, their added support wasn't enough to calm her.

In the midst of all of this at the end of the semester, my manager decided to apply me to a much better job with a lot more pay behind my back. She had learned about my predicament of being a single parent and put it upon herself to help me behind my back. While I was grateful, I was then given way too many hours of work to ever be able to cram school and parenting.

Even if I quit the lesser of the two jobs, the new job still required too many hours within a week. No matter how I looked at it, I would have to sacrifice college. The second job was too good to pass up, and it would help us in the long run financially. But even so, it all came down to two things.

A decision between want or need.

My want to complete college and pursue a career in music was strong. There was no doubt music was within me, ready to show the world. I wanted to pursue this for so long, and it was almost within my grasp. All it required was me choosing what path in music as my path and go from there and graduate.

But I am needed as a parent.

Mikasa was still so young, she needs a parent more than anything else. If she were older, perhaps in high school, then it would be easier to juggle between parenting, college and work. But she was in the critical stages of needing a parent, especially as she barely begun to open up after her traumatic experience of her birth parents being murdered.

And so, when the semester ended I didn't sign up for classes in the spring. When my counselor at my school called, concerned as to why a prodigy wouldn't sign up for the next semester, I gave her an honest answer.

"A child needs me. I am putting her needs before my own, and her needs require me to actually be at home and focus as being her parent. So for the time being, I am hanging up my violin."

 _"But, Mr. Ackerman, I have just received word that Sina University for the Arts is interested giving you a fully funded scholarship with them!"_

My heart tore at the news. And with a sad smile I made up my mind. When I next spoke I almost choked on my own words. I wasn't aware that Erwin was behind me as my voice cracked.

"I am sorry, but I'm afraid I will have to decline. Please give them my condolences for a waste of their time." I hung up and then promptly ignored both my house and cell phone for a few days.

I turned to face Erwin, who had concern written all over his face. I almost jumped, startled that he heard part of the conversation. Or had he been there the whole time? I hoped he hadn't been but the look on his face told me he heard enough.

"So what was that about?" Of course Erwin would ask.

"I was offered a scholarship to Sina University for the Arts."

"I would say congratulations, but you turned it down."

"Mikasa needs me." I say as I walked passed him, hiding the tears threatened to fall.

Erwin didn't pursue me for answers, nor did he bring up the subject again. A part of me was grateful, yet another part of me was hurt. If I hadn't been so busy I would have pondered why I was hurting inside for something so trivial. For the most part I was glad I had been busy, else my mind would have gone to darker places.

Since it was Christmas in a few days, I had the week off. For the whole duration I avoided the topic of college. I never even brought it up when the Yeager's visited for Christmas dinner, bringing over one of Eren's friends from school and his kind grandfather. I was glad we had a huge table for everyone, and that Hange and Moblit chose to stay home for Christmas than coming over.

"So what do you do, young man?" The elder Arlert asked me during dinner.

"I work at the corner store a few streets down. And soon I'm going to start working security at the mall as my second job." My leaving out going to college for a musical career didn't go unnoticed by Carla and her husband. Even Erwin, who I normally told him everything, sent me a look that promised a private conversation later.

"Ah, it's good to see everyone doing well." The old man made a goofy smile.

I smiled back, for everyone's sake. But I could tell Gresha and Erwin could see past the mask. That night, the Arlerts decided to stay for the night. Armin only had his grandfather, and so they were quite lonely in their house. Since Armin was sleeping over, Eren insisted the same until his parents relented. But since the guest bedroom was already taken, Gresha and Carla decided to head home, as they lived close by.

Once everyone was asleep, Erwin cornered me in the kitchen as I took the duty of the dishes by myself. I didn't mind the task, it was a means to keep myself busy and hopefully pass the buzz feeling from the wine. I had been so lost in thought I didn't notice he was behind me until he spoke.

"I know you're trying not to be bothered by the hardest decision you made."

I glanced over my shoulder, my heart skipped a beat at the realization of how _close_ he was. I gulped, was it the buzz of the wine I drank earlier or was it really hot in here? The way my heart rammed against my rib cage gave me the indication it was more along the lines of the wine finally getting to me.

 _I'm not a light weight, but I think I had a wee bit too much._

To hopefully clear my head I focused my gaze on the dishes. My hands continued to clean and for once my OCD wasn't the bane of my existence. However, for some reason the task of cleaning became difficult for some reason.

"I'll be fine." I said, but I wasn't so sure I sounded as confident I wanted to be.

From the corner of my eye I noticed a hand placed next to me. I glanced over to see the arm had cut off my escape. While it would normally send me into a panic, the alcohol was enough to mess with my reaction. I found myself shivering, and I noticed with embarrassment that my cheeks heated up. My eyes focused on the plate in my hands, but I couldn't move.

"I may not be a specialist like Hange, but bottling up wouldn't help anyone." Erwin spoke gently.

"The same could be said for you, you know." I immediately regretted this, but the alcohol had apparently given me an attitude.

Erwin inhaled, calming his nerves. Then I felt his breath on the back of my neck when he exhaled. My arms shook and I felt dizzy, so I was forced to lean against the sink to keep myself steady. Why was this happening? I was starting to regret allowing myself to drink a little more than I usually would.

 _Note to self, don't go crazy for the wine ever again._

"I have a hard time opening up to people. And I recognize you're the same. That is why I wanted to make the offer of us being each other's support."

"As what, lovers or something?" I hissed, my shoulders tensed.

"Only if you want."

In a flash I turned and pushed him against the counter a few feet behind him. Despite my size, I was quite strong, something I used to my advantage to surprise anyone who underestimated me. Erwin didn't even put up a fight as I cornered him, glaring into his calm eyes that only served to unnerve me more.

"What is it that _you_ want? If you want something, then take it. Don't just be passive and leave it up to me." I growled, my arms shaking from the anger rising to a dangerous level.

I wanted to punch him, to hurt him until there was emotion in his eyes. It was unnerving to look at an expressionless mask, but then I found it ironic since I did the very same thing. I had to remind myself that Erwin was like an actor, changing his attitude to better fit the situation at hand so he wasn't the odd man out.

"I don't want to ruin our friendship by overstepping a boundary. But," A hand gripped at my hip and suddenly he switched our positions. "If you are granting me permission, I will show you I'm not this passive in between the sheets."

My heart raced and my hands went to his chest in a weak attempt to push him off, but the strength I had earlier wasn't happening. I had also felt his muscles underneath his shirt and my resolve had weakened. It came a little too late to figure out that strength was one of my turn ons. And before I knew it I pulled him down for a sloppy and rough kiss that he returned.

As we switched to my bedroom upstairs, I briefly wondered how long this would last between us. But I pushed the thought aside to enjoy the moment. I didn't want to ruin it when I finally tore down Erwin's wall, only to break mine in the process. It was scary, at the same time it was liberating. It helped me come to terms giving up my want for Mikasa's need.


	4. Beautiful Cruel World

Immer: I shall explain in this chapter what the relationship between Erwin and Levi will be like. It's somewhat similar to how I have it in _CrAzy In Love,_ if any of you who read this story have read that one, then you understand. If not, then this chapter will do just fine.

Chapter title straight from the ending song of season one of AOT.

Chapter Four Beautiful Cruel World

SHINZOUwoSASAGEYO

For a few years, things were great. Mikasa was getting better, and she loved to learn. Having Eren and Armin as friends helped her a lot. Even though the boys went to a public school they always made time to work on their homework while visiting so she had a sense of normalcy.

As for myself and Erwin, it was strange.

We were comfortable just being friends with occasional sex. Although there was a noticeable hint of us wanting to take it a step further, but we were both too scared. A part of me wanted to make the offer but once again my fear of opening up to someone stopped me. It wasn't the commitment I was afraid of, rather exposing the parts of me I hid from myself. The stress over what to do was to the point that I asked Hange for private sessions off record.

"What? You want _me_ to be your therapist? But I'm not even licensed yet!" Hange blinked with a tilt of her head in shock.

Was she expecting me to spill myself to Erwin or something? While, yes, he understood things about me that I never told anyone else, but now that we were in some sort of complicated relationship (was it?) then emotions would be thrown into the mix. I needed a professional opinion on how to proceed, I knew this. Hence why I eventually reached out to Hange.

"Think of me as your guinea pig. To practice." I deadpanned, and she accepted.

"Does this have anything to do with the development between you and Erwin?" Hange caught on, and I glared. "I'll take that as a yes."

Since we had busy schedules, we decided not to set a pattern just yet. It all depended upon what days we had off at the same time and ensure nothing else would come up and force a reschedule. At first the sessions were awkward, since Hange always asked the most embarrassing of questions to start a session.

As time went by, Hange developed a more professional level and the sessions became easier on us. She would take notes, assuring me it's just for practice and if she ever had to present her notes to anyone, she never wrote my name or other details. I have seen the notes myself, and she only referred to me as the Captain in the notes. It was enough for me to allow the note taking to continue.

The sessions took a serious turn as I started to tell her how it was like being raised by a serial killer. For the most part things were normal, or what was perceived as normal to me. Hange's questions and observations had me realize that nothing was normal having Kenny as a parent.

He taught me how to fight and kill. I know this wasn't normal, but the random spars between us that Kenny instigated wasn't. It was something he did to keep me on my toes, to be ready for anything and prepare myself to be aware of my surroundings at all times and note where possible weapons are. This to me felt like preparation for situations that would quickly get out of hand within seconds, but to Hange it was more showing that Kenny was probably paranoid and taught me the same behaviors.

I wasn't paranoid, but it was out of habit to know exactly where the hidden knives throughout the house were located, or how long it would take for me to reach my gun in the hall closet. It wasn't like how before when in high school I had five knives hidden on my person. I wasn't at that extreme, and after the war I stopped carrying knives altogether. I knew how to be deadly without the use of weapons.

I suppose it also wasn't normal to have him teach me the basics of camping and survival, then leave me in the middle of the night and force me to find my way home. I had forgotten that he had done this quite a few times in my childhood, but he stopped this just when I first hit puberty and almost beat him coming home.

I already knew not to use the same survival tactics on Mikasa. At some point I will teach her, but not to the extreme levels Kenny did with me. I thought nothing was wrong teaching a child the means to survive in worst case scenarios. It might even put her mind at ease after witnessing a horrific event and prepare her to better handle anything else life wanted to throw at her.

Was I sick for thinking this way?

I was starting to have serious doubts I actually should continue being her guardian. However Hange always assured me I'm doing just fine, as I always put her needs before my own and questioned myself was a good thing. It meant I was thinking of any other solutions. It was natural for parents to doubt a lot, especially when the kids were young.

"It shows that you're a parent. You just need a few nudges here and there as to what is best to go about things. I think having Erwin and I as support was a good start, but we don't have any children of our own. So having the Yeager's around is probably the best thing to happen to you."

She was right. Since the Yeager's have moved I learned a lot more about being a parent just by mere example. Things became easier and smoother while I learned how to parent watching how Gresha and Carla worked. In the back of my mind I was also grateful Mikasa wasn't as loud and rambunctious as Eren, else I would have lost my mind a long time ago.

Since Eren was over a lot, we converted an old storage room to be his room when he stayed over since Armin claimed the guest bedroom. It required me going through old boxes and getting rid of stuff, but it was a good excuse for me to go crazy cleaning the room up. For years Kenny threw random crap in and forgot about it. When it was finally done, I wasn't sure how to personalize the room.

So I decided to let Eren decide on his own. I gave him a head's start by placing a bed and a dresser in the room, then let him store anything he brought over and didn't want to bring back home. The grin on his face was enough for the effort of cleaning the bedroom out was worth it.

Soon after Eren would often run away from home and show up at my front door. At first Gresha or Carla would show up to take him home, but as the boy continued doing it so often they let him stay so long as I or Erwin called them to inform he was over. This was when I had to sit him down for the first time to have a talk with him one night when I came home at two in the morning to find him asleep on my doorstep.

"Eren, why is it you always run away from home to here? It's two in the morning, you can't keep doing this. Do your parents even know you're over?" I sighed in irritation, making him a cup of hot chocolate and myself some coffee. I felt it might wake him up, but it was a weekend so I figured why not, he wasn't exactly heading straight to his room anyway.

"I just want to know why you don't like me." He confessed, and I stared, dumbfounded.

"What are you talking about? I like you just fine, brat. I mean, I'm sorry if calling you brat so often is hurtful, you could have said something." I really wasn't sure where this was coming from.

"When you first saw me, you were sad. Then you pretended not to be and since then you're annoyed with me. I don't understand why you would give me a bedroom of my own here when it's obvious you don't like me." Eren pouted, crossing his arms.

 _Oh so that's what he's basing all of his assumptions from._

"Eren, follow me." I say as I made my way to the shrine. He timidly followed, it was mostly dark and I was still in security uniform. I could understand if he was scared, but his curiosity won him over.

I turned on a lamp so the shrine was lit up. I picked up the frame that had myself, Farlan, and Isabel and presented it to him. He rubbed his eyes before taking it, studying the faces with confusion.

"These were my old friends, before the war took their lives. That girl with the red hair? She was just like you. Wild and didn't care about what people saw in her. She would sometimes be too hyper and ready to punch someone in the face, but she had a gentle heart. When I first saw you, I saw her. And I was overcome with emotions to properly process how to interact with you." I knelt down to his level, careful of my prosthetic leg.

"Over time I find myself falling into old habits of treating you how I used to treat her. I don't mean to be so hard on you sometimes, but after several attempts to get you to calm down or stop you from doing something stupid, the only way to get your attention is to be hard on you. And for that I am sorry."

The soon to be eight year old continued to stare at the photograph. After a long moment his eyes met my gaze, and it was so hard for me not to break down then and there. His eyes were so much like hers that they would catch me unawares. And in my moment of weakness the startling resemblance hit me hard.

"So you don't hate me?"

"Of course not. You're a good kid. You helped Mikasa out of her shell, and she's doing so much better because of you and Armin that I couldn't do alone. And for that I was grateful enough to give you your own bedroom here. Plus you're over so often and I kind of like having my bed to myself. Just work on your temper, please." I suggested with a smile, one which he returned.

"Okay. I'll do my best to do better from now on."

And he tried his best to tone himself down a little. He also stopped running away from home at the most random of times, which eased a lot of our worries. Especially when my first initial thought was that something was going on inside the Yeager household that Eren wasn't telling us. I was relieved it wasn't anything of the sort before I had the courage to inquire Gresha or Carla about it. That was a conversation I did not want to partake in at all.

After this talk with Eren, things finally started to feel like the pieces were finally coming together. I felt more at ease with my decisions, and I didn't even feel as terribly anxious as I thought I would when Mikasa was given the green light to start school with Eren and Armin. I was glad the three of them would be in the same class, too.

I started to feel comfortable with my life. That I was doing all right, and we were pulling through just fine. Even though things were still unsure between Erwin and I, we were content with how things were for the moment. He knew I put Mikasa above everything else, and never asked for more than I could give.

It was then, perhaps, I was too blind to foresee any warning signs of a serious event that ripped the moment of peace on all of us. I had been too blind to believe life wouldn't throw anything worse than it already did. I had fallen into the spell that everything was too good to have our world torn away from under our feet.

SHINZOUwoSASAGEYO

As Mikasa started school, people became curious. It was hardly known that I took her in, and so the town was in quite a shock when parents learned their children was in the same school as an Ackerman. Around this time I started taking her with me to the store or any errands that required me out of the house that wasn't work.

Mikasa hadn't fully seen the town, and so to ease her from becoming a hermit I brought her out of the house a lot more often. What I didn't count on were the stares. People even pointed fingers or whispered as we passed by, and I grew irritated at their boldness.

 _She's a kid, she shouldn't be caught up in the aftermath of Kenny._

Speaking of him, he never once called or sent a letter. I wasn't bothered, but he was the type to always check up on me. Or perhaps he thought I was still in service? I would call or visit, but whenever it crossed my mind the hours to call him weren't available and it was difficult to plan a day for me to drive to Sina and have someone babysit Mikasa.

But of course people would never forget Kenny Ackerman and his reputation of being one of the worst serial killers in the century. I didn't care what these people thought of me, I was an adult with my own problems to deal with. Mikasa, however, took notice of the odd behaviors. She clung to me with a hand on my shirt, as she felt embarrassed, ashamed and confused.

"Why are they staring at us?" Mikasa whispered as I checked the prices for chicken wings. It was close to her birthday, so I was thinking of cooking up chicken wings and other easy to grab foods for her and the boys.

"Well, remember the uncle I mentioned to you when you first moved in?" I wasn't sure if she remembered, but I had to ask anyway and she nodded.

"He did some really bad things. Because of his crimes he is now serving time in prison. And for whatever reason I am suspected to help him, which is ridiculous. All he ever did was raise me and left me out of everything he had done. But everyone doesn't believe me." I summarized to the best of my ability, all the while leaving out the one important detail that could ruin us.

 _All I ever did was help hide the bodies._

That was a detail I was going to take to my grave. Not even Hange knew of this detail, although she might suspect it. If she did, then she had the sense not to ask about it. She understood the complications of what would happen if I were honest and told her the truth. Even though she was in school to be a therapist for veteran's and their families, she would still have to report me.

"So they judge us for the actions of someone else? I don't even know this uncle." Mikasa frowned, and I felt the same frustration she had.

"I know, it's stupid. But the best we can do is ignore their antics. Let them think whatever they want so long as they don't try to hurt you. If anyone tries, let me or Erwin know, okay?"

"Why not Eren?" She tilted her head.

"That boy would be ready to stab someone for you. So, no. Don't involve him unless he's already there. If so, then you and Armin do your best to calm him down." I advised the best I could. I knew how that brat would react to such instances, and I don't want him being dragged through the mud with our family problems, especially when his father was a well respected doctor in Rozen. Apparently he had built himself a good reputation here already.

A few days later I was shopping with Hange and Mikasa. The girl was going through another growth spurt and had outgrown most of her clothes. So Hange came with us to help pick out clothes since I had no idea what I was doing with girls clothes, despite raising Mikasa for almost two years already. It didn't help Mikasa didn't really have a preference in a style so long as it wasn't overly bright or over the top.

"Oh, look, it's the murderer's spawn. So you're raising the next generation of serial killer, Ackerman?" A man taunted, and Hange quickly placed herself between us while Mikasa watched on in fear.

"Okay, can we just continue our shopping peacefully and head opposite directions? We're not here to cause trouble." Hange was quick to deflect the situation.

While I was glad she was here, I was starting to wish Erwin was here instead. This man towered over Hange, and he seemed like he didn't care what the brunette said. If it was Erwin, this man would probably be singing a different tune. And once more I was feeling insecure with my height, since no one would take me seriously until I literally threw someone down to the floor.

"You better be watching your back, Ackerman." The man warned before heading off, taking his daughter I hadn't realized was there watching, with him.

He thought Hange was a girl and walked off.

So he wouldn't start shit against a woman, yet he had no problem targeting a one legged veteran and not give a shit that his young cousin was watching? It was days like this I wondered why I bothered with the prosthetic, it was usually hidden underneath my pants so it was easy for people to forget I lost a leg. But having the prosthetic gave me a sense of normalcy, as there were days I still _felt_ my leg was _still_ there.

I was so pissed I told Hange we were switching to a different store. It didn't matter it was further away from home, I wasn't going to shop somewhere where a prick frequented. And I didn't feel safe at that store, to boot. If I didn't feel safe I couldn't imagine how Mikasa felt.

Tensions were high to the point no one would shop at the corner store that I worked at. And so because of this I resigned so that the place wouldn't go out of business. I didn't want to leave. My coworkers and manager were great, and we all helped each other out. Everyone hated seeing me go but I had to take one for the team and leave. I was glad the manager applied me to my other job now, otherwise I wouldn't have anything to fall back on.

However that job was also affected. But since my coworkers respected me they refused to let me go despite how many protested at the idea of a suspected killer work security at the mall. So instead they put me behind the scenes and watch cameras all day so no one would have to see my face. This eased the tensions enough that no one made such a big fuss anymore, so I was allowed to clock in during my shifts.

Just when things calmed down, someone called CPS on me. Ms. Ral came by one day with a coworker, she seemed like she didn't want to be here and obviously thought it was an overreaction, but the other one seemed smug that I was guilty. I let them inside, and couldn't help but feel a smug smile of my own upon seeing the man's dumb look on his face upon seeing Mikasa, Eren and Armin look up from their homework on the table.

"So what do I owe this visit?" I knew I sounded taunting, but I couldn't help it.

"Someone called us saying you abuse Mikasa. Said something about a hand print bruise on her leg that was noticed at school." The man said, not sounding too confident now as his eyes were on Eren.

 _Oh yes, everyone knows the good doctor's son. Gresha has no problem speaking his mind when people have gone too far._

And judging by the look in his eyes, Gresha was definitely going to hear about this visit. I could almost visibly see the man's confidence crumble before me. I would have made a comment, but something else had my full attention.

"Bruise? What bruise?" I wasn't aware of a bruise.

"I think they're talking about the bruise Mikasa got when a boy in our class pushed her down a couple days ago. Her leg got caught in the rafters and it bruised pretty bad." Armin informed as the other two stared at him in horror.

"Armin! We said not to tell him!" Eren whispered too loudly.

"But now he's being blamed for something he didn't do! That's not fair, it's discrimination and wrongful profiling." The blond countered.

 _This kid is going places. He has the same mind as Erwin._

"Is it all right if we see the bruise if it's still there?" Ms. Ral eased the tension, and Mikasa stood up and walked closer to them. She leaned down and pulled her long sock off, then held up part of her dress to reveal her leg.

As Armin said, it was a big and nasty bruise. It was already green on the edges as it had a few days healing. But it had taken the shape of the gap of rafters and not a hand print. It would have been too big for my hand as a comparison, anyway. And Erwin was hardly home to be considered.

"Can you please tell us what happened?" The man was still trying to find any reason to take her away from me and send me to jail.

"It's as what Armin said. A classmate pushed me down while we were sitting on the rafters. I got stuck and I had to be pulled out by Armin and Eren after Eren beat the other classmate's face in."

"And do you know the name of this boy who did this?" Ms. Ral asked as she took pictures.

"I think his name was Jean."

"Do you know his last name?"

"I don't know how to pronounce or spell it. But he's in our class. Eren gave him a black eye." Mikasa had too many details in her story to be any simple lies.

"Okay, then. It's not a hand print. It looks like a simple case of mistaken identity and overreaction. We're sorry to disturb your day." Ms. Ral wanted out and be over this.

"Hold on, I just have a few more questions for Mikasa." The other worker was being stubborn. "Has your guardian, Levi Ackerman, ever struck you?"

"No."

"Has he ever punished you cruelly? Example, forbid you to have dinner or anything that drastic?"

"No."

"Has he ever touched you inappropriately?"

The _audacity_ this man had was astounding. Ms. Ral sensed my rising fury, and she quickly pulled the man by his arm in an attempt to leave. The problem, was the fact this man was taller than her. And it was with startling realization it was the same man who threatened me in the clothes store not too long ago.

"No."

"But has he ever - "

"I think that is enough. Should you continue, I will press charges, including threatening my life last week when we were minding our own business shopping for more clothes for Mikasa." I crossed my arms as I glared at him.

There was no mistaking his dark hair and voice, even though his clothes almost fooled me. When he threatened me at the store he wore a simple shirt and shorts, and his hair wasn't done. Now he was in a suit and hair styled as if he spent hours working on it before heading to work. Dark eyes glared my way, and I was for sure knew he would have swung if Ms. Ral wasn't a witness.

"...Fine. I will take my leave, for now."

They silently left and I locked the door behind them. After I had calmed myself, I found my cell phone and called Erwin. I was still too rattled to text and ask if he was on break before calling. He picked up after a few rings.

 _"What's wrong? You usually text before you call."_

"I think it's time to invest in security cameras and find a lawyer ready to defend me."

 _"Against what?"_

"I don't know yet. But I was just accused of physically abusing Mikasa and proved otherwise. And lately everyone has become hostile towards me." In my head it was better to be safe than sorry.

 _"I'll look into the lawyer thing. I'm not that knowledgeable with security, however."_

"I was thinking calling in a favor from a coworker."

 _"Okay. And Levi?"_

"Hm?"

 _"Be careful."_

There was an odd tone in his voice, like he was scared. He must really care about me to be this concerned. I found it endearing, but at the same time I felt confident that I will be just fine. I knew how to handle myself, I mean I was raised by Kenny the Ripper. It was Mikasa I was most concerned about.

"I'll be fine. Dinner will be ready when you come home." I assured him before we hung up.

A few days later I called in the favor of my coworker. He scouted the house and found good spots for cameras, and even a few places within the living room and where the backdoor was. He gave me a discount and we set it all up. It was decent equipment to have the cameras motion censored and night vision optional. I could even check live feed if I wasn't home to check on everything.

The timing was just perfect when that Friday I had just returned from grabbing last minute things for her birthday, and Gresha had also just pulled in after picking the three kids up from school. I was the first one to enter as I brought in groceries. The kids ran inside after me, excited to see the cake. Gresha made it to the door when I sensed something was off.

I opened the fridge to notice the power was out. I stared, confused. This was odd, as there was no reason for the power to be out. Casually I glanced out the window to the neighbors house to see their power was still on. That was when I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

"Gresha, grab the kids and run."

"What? What's wrong?" The doctor frowned with confusion.

Before I could insist anymore approximately five people emerged from the back of the house carrying knives or baseball bats. One of them had a gun. They headed straight for me without hesitation. I slowly reached for a knife in the nearest hiding spot. I gripped it behind my back as I stood between the men and the kids.

 _They want me to bare my fangs, then so be it. If it means she is safe, I'll become the monster they want._


End file.
